Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize