Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
