This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
