That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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