Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
