so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
