You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have so many feelings about this burrito
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
