So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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