the condom got lost in my hair
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize