Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize