Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize