I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
