Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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