But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
