Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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