I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
