In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
