so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
