Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize