i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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