the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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