I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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