yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
