Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
