She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize