So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
