You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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