Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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