some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize