my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
