I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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