so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize