checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
