is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
