the new term for farting is butt boxing.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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