the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
