I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
