i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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