Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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