we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
