blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
