Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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