Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
