so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
