I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
