Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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