what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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