i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
