no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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