I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
