his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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