i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
