Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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