the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
