Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
