So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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