there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
