ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
