i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Mom said you looked used
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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