dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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