apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Randomize
