Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
