My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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