I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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