My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize