i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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