Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just gargled with NyQuil
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
