maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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