dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
