I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
