The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
