Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
