Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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