im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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