can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
