Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
