I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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