It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize