Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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