I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
