It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
