I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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