I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
one might say we're banned from that church
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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