A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
