soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i've created a new STD.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize