I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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