She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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