nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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