I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
