Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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