I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
