Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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