So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
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