We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
