I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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