I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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