I just threw up on my dentist
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
