State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
