Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
