God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
