I cannot find my penis.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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