I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
as a side note pls kill me
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