And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
