its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
