census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
