So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
