You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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