his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
