I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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