ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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