i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
