If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
