Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize