I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
