Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
